When We Wonder Why

 

Around 3:30pm on May 6th in an outlet mall in Allen, TX lives changed. Families suddenly had members missing. Friends would not get to say goodbye. People would lay awake at night remembering the sound of gunfire. First responders would save many lives, but not get there soon enough. 

I woke up that morning excited to attend a local art festival and watch the Kentucky Derby. Nothing was as important to me as which horse would cross the finish line first.

Things like that seem so ridiculous when you find out that your community has experienced pain and tragedy just a few exits down the expressway. 

I've heard many people find comfort in the words "everything happens for a reason." But faced with something like this, the reason isn't comforting or understandable. It's senseless, evil, and unfair. 

I know there are families out there who will never be the same today. And there are other families who are hugging their kids tight tonight torn between gratitude and fear. 

We all know deep in our souls that this isn't right. No one should have to die that way. No one should have to run for their lives at the mall. 

As we try to understand those of us who are believers will turn to God for comfort. We might read our Bibles looking for answers. We might ask him "why?" We might reach out to a minister or a friend.

We might be tempted to ask God where the section on mall shootings is in the Bible. We are wavering between confusion, fear, anger, grief, and we wonder where God is. Unfortunately, during the times in my life where I have wondered this God has never once floated down from the clouds to give me a hug.

This might have sounded sarcastic, but the truth is I have asked these questions of God before. God and I have had several intense conversations. "Hey God, why did you take my dad away before I could get to know him?" "Hey God, why was my uncle killed in a car accident today?" "Hey God, why am I having to comfort 7th graders whose friend was killed this weekend?"

The list goes on, it gets darker, it seems hopeless. 

But, then as time goes on and these questions hang in the air I start to look around. I begin to notice. 

When I'm surrounded by pain I go to God. I have a Heavenly Father who cannot be taken away and who will never abandon me. He listens to me, his presence brings me peace even in the midst of heartache. In a way, when I ask God these difficult questions he has already answered by teaching me to bring my burdens to him. His presence matters even as the circumstances hurt. 

God hates death. When I was a kid I thought that death and God were morbid best friends. At funerals we praised him. We put images of the cross all over our homes. Death was clearly a big thing for us Christians. As I got older I realized that what Jesus did on the cross and the way he suffered was because he hates death. Death means separation from God and Jesus was determined to defeat death. As a young person trying to navigate grief, this idea was strangely comforting. God knew that death hurt me, he was on my side, and he made a plan to overcome death. The reason we put this death instrument up on the walls of our homes and the reason we praise God at funerals is because he hated death enough to sacrifice his life for us so that we have a way to overcome death. No amount of frilly nice sounding sayings can give the comfort that comes from knowing God hates death. 

God has not lied to us. No matter how many new stories we see, what pain we experience, or losses we suffer, we feel shocked when the pain of life comes our way. I think this shock is appropriate considering we were not made to live in pain. However, we always know in the back of our minds the things we see on tv could happen to us or our loved ones. Still, this doesn't make it any easier when it does happen. We spend a lot of time on the joyful parts of the Bible, but there is a reality of suffering that is just as present as the joy. Jesus promised that we would face burdens and trouble in this world. He told us the consequences of sin and their effects on the world. We accept these things until we are forced to confront them. Although suffering is difficult to fathom we can take heart in the truth that God is not surprised by the suffering in our world. In fact, he gave his son who faced ultimate suffering to create a life for us that transcends the circumstance of suffering.

Life is about eternity. Sometimes we can't fix the pains of this world. I would love to take away the hurt of the families in Allen tonight, but I can't undo what's been done or give back what's been lost. Without Jesus we are powerless in these times, victims of circumstance with no hope. As believers we still hurt. The pain of loss isn't less, but it co-exists with eternal hope. We are not trapped by the realities of this world. We are known and loved by the God who defeated death and gave us eternal life. An act of grace to rescue us from hopelessness. Life is more than its happenings even when those happenings feel crushing. 

We don't always ask why because we need reasons. We ask why even when we think we know the answers because we don't want to feel lonely in our why. We want to be seen, known, and heard. More than that we want to be safe and our souls tell us that this safety cannot come from this Earth. It must come from Heaven. Even in anger we reach towards God with our feelings and our hearts.

In the darkest parts of our lives we wonder why and God doesn't just give us an answer. He gives us a loving father, lasting hope, and a heavenly home. This cannot be taken away. 

If you are looking to take advice from someone who has faced loss and knows what pain is like before and after God then hear this; run to God as fast as you can.