The Power of a Grieving Community

Emotional vulnerability is not my greatest strength in life. In fact, it may be one of my most stubborn and enduring weaknesses. I remember a pastor once speaking on being vulnerable in relationships and used the example of Adam and Eve's nakedness. After the sermon I told my mom I would rather show up to church physically naked before I did emotionally. I was only sort of joking when I said that. Despite my weaknesses, a few months ago I decided to take a chance on joining a GriefShare group at my church.

On the first night of GriefShare our group leader asked us to tell him something that surprises us about grief. Honestly after 19 years of grieving loss after loss not much surprises me. Now, at the end of my time at GriefShare I have an answer to that question. I have been truly surprised by how healing it is to be with people that understand grief like I do. This group is an experience that I've never had before and one that I was hesitant to partake in. I thought that being around other people who were hurting might multiply my own pain. However, I found that it only provided an outlet for my emotions that I'd been holding in through people who empathized with my journey to live with loss and pain and still keep moving through life.

I have found it to be truly refreshing to have my grief out in the open before I even begin a conversation with others. Even though everyone's grief experience is different, I have enjoyed talking with people that understand that grief is real and life changing. These people I have just met have laughed with me, cried with me, and never expected me to be anything other than myself. This has been one of those experiences that have given me the impression that I've truly experienced what God meant when He called us to have strong community with fellow believers. People having empathy for each other during the most painful seasons of life is a true comfort and encouragement.

I have so many memories of feeling separated from others at church because of my grief. I've felt the pressure to appear constantly happy during times when I wasn't sure I wanted to live anymore and face another loss. When I faced depression after losing my grandpa, it was hard to feel like I fit into church. I didn't feel purposeful, strong, or encouraging. I just felt tired and sad. There are so many people who suck the life out of you when you just don't have anymore life to give. In GriefShare, the people who attended knew what it was like to need some rest and time to adjust to a new normal. It was so good for me to be surrounded by people of faith who knew what it was like to not feel happy and full of life. I can't overstate how refreshing to the soul it is to be around people who understand some of the most foundational parts of who you are.

I do recommend a faith based grief support group like GriefShare. It's a great platform for expressing grief created by people who intimately know grief and care about ministering to others. Even more than an official group, I recommend talking about your grief experience with someone you know that is empathetic and loving. Don't be afraid to share your joys, struggles, meaningful moments, and favorite memories. In my years of grieving I have learned that if you don't express your painful emotions they only stay inside and cause you to suffer more intensely and longer than you should have to. It's common to be like me and struggle to be vulnerable with those around you or withdraw from society but God designed us for community. Sharing our lives with others is part of who we are and an integral part of our healing.

I've been prideful enough to think I could push myself into healing in isolation and my pain was magnified. I've learned that while I am still an introvert and need my time alone, I also need a community around me that will love me and listen to me when I need to talk through my struggles. My circle of people I trust enough to talk through my darkest emotions with is very small, but they know me intimately and always care about me. My journey to share vulnerable moments with people around me has given me  a better understanding of why God didn't intend for us to live life alone and helped me release pain that has stayed inside me for too long.

Although I've struggled with feeling like God's call for us to participate in community was a burden at times, I know that He asks this of us for our strengthening and for us grieving people our healing. As I've trusted that God created my mind and knows that I need relationships with others to thrive, I've allowed myself to love and be loved more by people around me and that has helped me to feel less alone and hopeless. I believe that relationships that allow us to be vulnerable ultimately heal us in our grief more than our stubborn efforts to heal on our own. Firstly, our relationship with God mends the brokenness that we feel as we walk through life. Secondly, our relationships with people created in the image of God help to heal us by reflecting the tangible love of God to us.

I've learned through my grief journey that relationships are the most important things on Earth. They are the things in life that can bring us the most joy while we have them as well as the most pain when we lose them. But all in all, being loved by God and the people He created is what makes life worth living. I want to remind myself to embrace that by being open with the people around me that I love especially when I am feeling hurt. I hope that we are all able to experience healing from the human comforters that God has put on Earth and learn to comfort others the way that we have been comforted.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn" (Romans 12:15)