Grieving Through a Pandemic

It pains me that other people are having to live in my world of loss. I don't study grief and write a blog about death because I love it. I don't want to glorify death or make it seem like something beautiful or magical. There are so many people right now in the world that are suffering the worst pains of their life. They feel like they are stuck in one horrible moment while life keeps on going around them. It's isolating and more exhausting than anything else I've done in my life. Death scars us so deep that we are never the same after we feel the clutch of it.

If someone you love has passed away during this time of crisis, I'm so sorry that you didn't get to say goodbye in person. I'm sorry that you didn't get to be there with your loved one when they took their last breath. I'm sorry that you may not get to have a proper funeral for them and honor their memory. I'm sorry that the unique pains of this time will play on an endless loop in your mind for a while and drain you of all energy. I'm sorry for the crushing pain in your chest. I'm sorry that you cannot be physically surrounded by all the people that care about you or receive the simple comfort of a hug. Death isn't fair and it's not beautiful.

Accepting the brutality and evil of death is one of the most powerful ways to understand the significance of hope. As a kid it tore me apart to think that my dad died and didn't get to see me grow up. If I had spent my entire life thinking that reality was all there was to life I'm not sure I would be here today because I was filled with more pain than I could bear. I couldn't live in a world where I would live 80-100 years filled with watching the people around me die. I'm so grateful that a loving God wouldn't leave the world so hopeless and insignificant. When God taught me that He made death his enemy and sent his son Jesus to defeat it I felt the first tangible hope that I had ever had in my life. During this pandemic when it feels like I am surrounded by death, I have to remind myself that God has given us true hope and defeated death. Although death is not to be glorified, it highlights our intense need for the hope of God. I want to reflect God's heart by making death my enemy and reminding all of us who have felt the pain of loss that there is eternal hope. Life isn't just a series of death after death, but a series of painful reminders that what Jesus did for us was the greatest act of love and significance that there ever was.

The difference between hope and positivity is that hope is grounded in truth. I know what it's like to worry about losing the people you love and how it feels to say goodbye to someone too early. I know it's always too early. It wouldn't matter if only the elderly were vulnerable to this illness. It won't bring any comfort to the people who have lost their parents to know that healthy and young people have a good chance of survival. I know that every human life lost is significant. It changes the people that grieve. I feel like I'm living in a time of great significance, and my heart hurts deeply for the people who are being thrown into the overwhelming waves of grief in such a confusing and seemingly hopeless time. Our pain is a real reaction to the reality of death that destroys our relationships and leaves us wounded. The hope that Jesus gives us isn't beautiful optimistic lies that calls for us to mask our pain. Despite the hope that Jesus had knowing that Lazarus would rise again, he wept for him. He knows that we will cry and mourn our loved ones and that doesn't mean we don't have hope. God asks us to cast our cares on him because he cares for us (1 Peter 5:7). I believe that deep pain and powerful hope coexist and following God gives us permission to grieve that doesn't diminish the strength of our faith.

I hope that the people who are facing the loss of people that they love during this pandemic will be comforted knowing that God has made so much more of this life for us than just grief. I hate death and the way that it leaves us with gaping wounds, but my wounds are a constant reminder that I have a deep need for a father who can bind up my wounds and heal my broken heart (Psalm 147:3). I have so much hope knowing that Jesus conquered death and brought eternal life and meaning to this world. Even while we miss the people that we've lost and wish we didn't have to be separated from them too soon, God gave us his presence to remind us that we will never be alone or forgotten.I have faith that God is as present in this pandemic as he has been during my years of grieving and that he is still in control. I've learned that if you stay silent about death it will still happen and you will keep every single hurtful thing inside of you. The most comforting thing in the world to me is being honest about my grief and reminding myself that even though the world is painful and broken, there is hope for a future free from the pain of death. In the depths of our anxiety and grief we desperately need to reach out to God who knows the pain that we feel and is able to make something beautiful out of this life.